My home office has a window that faces the house next door, and I like to leave it open while I'm working. It's nice because I can kind of feel a breeze and look outside and see birds flying by and the dogs playing and whatever.

What I can also hear, however, are my nextdoor neighbors.

A single mother (Let's name her Donna) lives there with her son (Jack), who is about 5 years old. Her parents (Alice and Bob) are also always over, mostly during the days. I think they babysit Jack.

Her parents are always arguing. Always. It's really kind of amusing. I don't think they hate each other or anything. I just think they're the type of people for whom bickering is normal and accepted. A sample conversation:

Alice: Did you take the trash out?

Bob: Yes. Didn't you hear me moving the barrels?!

Alice: No, I didn't. I can't hear everything from inside the house, you know!

Bob: Well, I did!

Alice: OK!

Bob: Are you ready to go yet?

Alice: No! I have to dry another load of laundry!

Bob: I thought you already did it!

Alice: Why would I say I still needed to do it if I hadn't done it yet?!

Bob: I just thought you did it already, that's all!

And so on. If you remove the exclamation points from the above, it's actually a pretty normal conversation. I just think they like to bicker.

The other day, I overheard a conversation between Alice and Jack. Jack was crying for some unknown reason, and pretty loudly.

Jack: I wanted to do it myself. (sob, sob, sob)

Alice: Well, sometimes you can't do it yourself. Sometimes Grandma has to do it for you.

Jack: Whhhhhyyyyy?????

Alice: Because you can't do it fast enough.

Jack: Y-yes I ca-an...

Alice: No. You can't. Now get in the car.

Jack: I don't wanna get in the car. I wanted to do it my-se-e-e-lf...

Alice (in a rather harsh tone): Stop crying! You didn't get to do it yourself! You can do it yourself next time!

(At this point, I really wanted to know what he wanted to do himself. I assumed it was something along the lines of tying his shoes, but I amused myself by thinking of other possibilities.)

Jack: (Sob!)

Alice: (slow, fake sweet tone): OK. Calm down. Do you want Grandma to spank you? You have to calm down or else Grandma will spank you. Is that what you want?

Jack: Yes. That's what I want.

(He didn't say that. But wouldn't it have been cool if he had?)

Jack: No-o-o...

Alice: OK, then stop crying. (Big sigh.) You're not stopping. You need to stop. Or do you want Grandma to spank you?

Me: Oh, for chrissakes, just spank him already!! I 'm working on a deadline over here!

Yup. Sometimes an open window is better than television.