So the Miss America pageant has decided to forgo the talent formality.

The talent routines, introduced in 1935 to help make Miss America something more than a beauty contest, became mandatory in 1938 and have been ever since. But the routines -- sometimes spectacular, more often not -- have generally turned off viewers.

Just show us the prettiest one already, damn it!

I have to admit that I have an intense fascination with beauty pagents.  They're just so strange.  I attended my hometown's annual beauty pageant every year when I still lived there. 

I'd like to be able to speak more highly of P-Town, but I'm afraid the talent there was rather scarce.  I'll never forget the girl who "sang" Patsy Cline's "Crazy" to her teddy bear on stage.  She wore a nightgown that went down to her ankles and she held the bear aloft as she sang, cooing into its face and whirling around the stage.  For the grand finale she threw herself onto a bed and sighed dramatically: "Huuuuuuuuhhh... crrraaaazy!"   It was delightfully bizarre.  You can see why I went back every year. 

But back to the Miss America thing: 

"...through the years, contestants have ridden horses on stage, stomped on broken glass, jumped on trampolines or driven tractors."
 
Who knew stomping on broken glass was a talent?  Sign me up.  I'll bet I can stomp glass as well as the next girl.  I'll stop the shit out of some glass!

Seriously, though:  how is glass stomping a talent?  Is it a masochistic thing, like "Look how much pain I can withstand!  See how my feet are torn asunder, yet I do not cringe"?  Or is it a decorative thing, like "See how I skillfully stomp the glass so that it is broken into delightful, colorful shards in a decorative pattern"?  I'm totally confused.