I went to work in the office yesterday, and as I was getting ready for work, I had the same dilemma I always have when I face the task of dressing myself in a presentable manner: what kind of underwear to select. Since I planned to wear an a-line skirt that is somewhat unforgiving to VPL, I pulled out a thong and started to put it on. As usual, I thought of Kim Pressley.

Kim Pressley had the locker next to mine in 7th grade gym. One day as we were undressing, Kim looked at me and said, "You should try thong underwear." I can't remember exactly what type of underwear I was wearing at the time, but I'm sure it was a flowered brief of some sort, and I'm sure I was embarrassed. Back then I was even more easily embarrassed than I am now.

I looked at Kim's bright pink thong panties and said, "They look really uncomfortable."

"No way!" Kim said. "Once you get used to them, they're way more comfortable than regular underwear."

I shouldn't have believed her. After all, this was the same Kim Pressley who'd told me that Bloody Mary's house was in the middle of the grove of orange trees behind our elementary school. (Not only that, but she'd been there: On every reflective surface in the house - even the toilets! you could see the face of Bloody Mary, who was waiting to reach out and scratch you, marking you for death. Kim had barely escaped from there with her life, apparently.)

At that point in my tender youth, I gave little thought beyond "clean or dirty?" to my underwear. I didn't alter my brief-wearing ways until far later, when I was in my 20s. At that point I'd heard from far more reputable people than Kim Pressley that once you got used to it, wearing thong underwear was WAY more comfortable than wearing briefs.

I heard this so many times that I actually started to think there must be something wrong with my ass. Perhaps my ass was the wrong type of ass for thongs, because no matter how often I wore them, they were never what anyone would describe as "comfortable." Not even close. I don't know what kind of cavernous asses the women who told me the "comfortable" lie over the years had, but my ass is of the normal variety, meaning it has a crack that is rather tight, and anything placed into it is exactly the opposite of comfortable.

Are thongs more sexy than briefs? Yes, I can agree with that. More stylish? OK. But more comfortable? He-yell no. Not by a long shot.

And that is the story of why, whenever I am forced to wear a thong (let's face it, some outfits look really ridiculous with briefs), I think of Kim Pressley.