I've decided to write directly to Jennifer and Vince. I have given up the pretense that anyone else reads this.

Dear Jennifer and Vince,

Here is a recap of my weekend.

Saturday afternoon, D and I went to Ripley's Believe It or Not! It was all that I expected and more (which isn't saying a lot because I expected just short of nothing, but anyway).

Did you know that you can make a bikini out of human hair? Also, if you want, you can cut off the hair of your dead lover and make it into a watch band, ribbon or wreath for rememberance. Clever, huh? I ran right home and cleaned out my drains.

I was also impressed by the wax statue of "The Tallest Man Who Ever Lived." He was 9 feet tall or something, and he was HUGE. His head was the size of a basketball. No, bigger than that... it was the size of a... something bigger than a basketball. A medicine ball! I don't know. He was big, though. The first thing I thought was, "Fuck. I wonder how big his dick was?" and my next thought was for his poor wife, who undoubtedly should have been standing right next to him with a sign around her neck that said "Able to Fuck the Tallest Man Who Ever Lived," or something similar.

But my favorite part of Ripley's by far was a short film of a dog who could howl "I love you." Oh my god, the look on that dog's face was so, so funny. He was a little brown chihuaha type dog and when he howled he squeezed his eyes shut and flattened back his ears. It was so fucking cute, I'm telling you. I'm telling you!

D. and I went to the Arclight theater Saturday night and had a double star sighting of Toby McGuire (too lazy to check spelling) and Leonardo DeCaprio. It was almost as good as the time Jennifer and I went to Mel's and saw James Woods and the Guy Who Played Gordy's Father in Stand By Me.

Sunday morning we got down with Jesus at the House of Blues Gospel Breakfast. It was worth the nasty food to see D. wave his arms above his head and shout "Yes, Lawwd!" in unison with the crowd.

Yeah, I did it, too. I had to! Everyone else was!