Yeah, so. One of my worst nightmares became reality today. My car died in the fast lane of the freeway during rush hour on the way to work. It was every bit as scary as I imagined.

"Oh FUCK. Where are the hazard lights? I've never used the hazard lights before! No, that's the turn signal. Shit! Fuck! Is my cell phone charged? Do I have AAA? Should I call 911? Shit! People are staring at me. Stop fucking honking! I fucking hate all of you! FUCK!" These are the thoughts that raced through my mind.

Freeway Patrol Service came by even before I was off the phone with AAA roadside assistance. I didn't know there was such a thing before this morning. Freeway Patrol Service tow trucks drive around randomly, keeping an eye out for stranded motorists who are blocking traffic. They tow you to the nearest drop off point (usually a gas station) and it's a completely free service. Thank god my tax dollars are going toward something useful.

Anyway, the guy came up to my window and I opened the door. He talked very, very slowly, as if I were a frightened, wounded animal or something. "Okay, ma'am? I'm from the Freeway Patrol Service. I'm here to help you. There will be no charge to you whatsoever, okay? I'm here to help you." He kept saying over and over again that I would not be charged for anything and that he was there to help me. Later he told me that sometimes people scream at him when he tries to help them so he always talks very quietly and calmly. I appreciated it, actually, because I was freaking out and it was kind of soothing.


But before the tow truck came, even though I was deathly afraid that at any moment a big rig would slam into me from behind as I sat there helplessly in my broken down car, there was something else that bothered me more: After 5 years of getting raped by Ford Credit, my car was finally going to be paid off THIS MONTH. Can you fucking believe that??? I swear, they time shit out this way on purpose. Just when you think you have the fucking finance monkey off your back, your car breaks down and you owe....... you owe... I can't even bring myself to say this....you owe... $923.40. That's right. $923.40.

I realize I am using a lot of profanity in this entry. So fucking what. I'm pissed.

I wanted to cry when I found out how expensive it was going to be, but I couldn't because I was at work. I held it in until I got home, and the minute I walked through the door I bawled my face off. It felt really good.

I know that I'm a big baby and it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but $1,000 is a lot of money to me. It's just so disappointing, you know?

The good news is, I have an "emergency car fund" so I can use some of that and I won't have to put it on a credit card. It's just that... I kind of didn't want to use the emergency car fund. I kind of wanted the "emergency car fund" to be the "Esemji fund" you know?

Do you feel sorry for me yet? I know. Sorry.