I'm quite concerned with safety lately, especially living in my neighborhood. I live on a busy street and there have been several reports of muggings in my apartment complex parking area. I'm wary of leaving my apartment after dark but when I have to I pride myself on being super-aware of my surroundings.

Once when I was walking Shamus, I thought I could hear someone following me. It was dark and when I looked behind me I couldn't see anyone. I walked a little faster. A few minutes later I looked behind me again and sure enough, I could see a male figure about 200 yards away, walking behind me.

I walked faster.

I heard the footsteps approaching more quickly (definitely not my imagination), and my mind began to race.

I read once that if you're ever attacked you should immediately try to do the most disgusting thing you can, like vomit, piss or shit on your assailant. If all goes well the assailant will be taken by surprise and will have no choice but to release you.

I can't imagine that if I'm ever in the throes of attack that I will have the presence of mind to shit on cue, but in this case I felt I was in luck. Being the responsible dog owner that I was, I had just picked up some of Shamus's shit, and I was holding it in a plastic bag in my right hand.

As the footsteps grew closer I thought, "Okay, if he tries to grab you, you will shove the shit in his face. You will ram it up his nose, and you will rub it in, and you will run."

I was almost to the stairs of my apartment when I heard the guy walking directly behind me. I spun around, ready to do what I had to do.

"Hey. You dropped your keys back there."

"Oh. Thanks."

"No problem. Have a nice night."

"Um, yeah. You too."