Don't Be Scared

I saw the Clash of the Titans show last night, and it was very, very funny. You know, I'm not sure where the hell I've been, but before last night I've never seen much of The Kids In the Hall. Holy shit. I almost pissed my pants. Very, very funny. Janeane Garofalo was great, the Mr. Show skits were great (much better than the Hooray for America tour) and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was FUCKING hysterical. So yeah. It was a good time.

But the best part? The after party.

Dude, I met Janeane Garofalo and David Cross, and I had my picture taken with them. I swear to you, I was so goddamn star struck and excited. It was like I was 13 again in the front row at the New Kids On The Block concert, all gussied up in my L.A. Gears and pink frost lip gloss-

Ahem. Anyway, I was all shaky with excitement and shit.

Now, I use the term "met" very loosely. "Stood silently, grinned my face off and brushed bright red" might be a more accurate term. I know, I know, it's stupid. They're people just like you and me, blah blah blah. I couldn't help it. It was just too much. David Cross spoke to me. See, D told him I that I was nervous to walk up to him (and I wanted to KILL him for saying it, but anyway) and D.C. said, "Aw. Don't be scared."

And then he grabbed me and kissed me passionately and led me off to a back room where we made sweet, sweet, love, and then we hopped a flight to Vegas and eloped-

"Don't be scared." Sigh. I will cherish those words always. I will make them my mantra and tattoo them on my ass. I will have them carved on my tombstone and recited at my funeral, I'll....

OK. I'm calm now.