Hi.

Can I tell you my issues? As if I didn't have enough issues, I discovered two more about myself this weekend.

1. I am a decorating tyrant. Do not dispute me when I am decorating. I have a definite idea of what I am looking for, and I have done more research than you will ever know about. I have watched Design on a Dime. I have watched Designers Challenge and Designing for the Sexes. I have read magazines.

Thus, if your name is Dand I ask for your opinion on something decorating-related, nine times out of ten I am bluffing. I would like you to just nod your head and agree with what I am saying. Do not say that you do not like something I have already professed to like. I will only mock you and cite decorating examples from your apartment, which was furnished with 1980s-era pastel paintings of seagulls that your brother admitted to buying at a garage sale. I will also cite your faux wood card table with aluminum legs and your black laquer mirrored coffee table. Don't even think I won't do it. I will go there.

2. I hate football. I mean, HATE. I hate the sound of it, even. The whistles, the grunts, the padding hitting padding. I'd rather listen to a Jessica Simpson album. Get that? I. HATE. IT. Time spent watching football is time better spent solving math equations or getting a Brazillian bikini wax. This is how I feel about it. Just to be perfectly clear: I detest math more than anything in the world (except football) because I am bad at it, and I have never had a Brazillian bikini wax, but I hear that the pain is excruciating beyond belief.

These are things I found out about myself this weekend.