Is it wrong that I feel kind of sorry for Martha Stewart? I'm sitting here working right now, and her show is on in the background. She's making some kind of chicken apple dish with her mother, and she looks smug as shit, but I haven't seen that look on her face in a while. Lately she always looks sad and kind of stunned. The smugness has been wiped off. That's definitely a Good Thing (tm), but damn! Does she need to go to jail?

She'll probably go to jail and then publish a book about all that she went through, how she turned the experience into a life-altering, soul searching time of thanks and self-forgiveness. And then she'll make a comeback as a "kinder, gentler" Martha. I can just hear her now: "I had a well-deserved reputation as a cruel tyrant, but prison taught me to appreciate people again."

No! No, you know what would be funnier?? If she comes out all gangstafied. All covered in gang tattoos and track marks. Oh my god! Martha the Gangsta. Martha with her hair all teased up to the ceiling. Martha throwing signs and sporting thick black eyeliner! THAT would be funny.