I got a cool haircut this weekend.

I don't think I've ever been this happy with a haircut, and it was worth what I paid. Which is a lot.

No, seriously. A LOT.

I had my hair dyed, highlighted, cut and styled and was in the salon for a total of 3-and-a-half hours. That's right. 3.5 HOURS.

I have very thick hair. Like, four times the amount of a normal person. This is not my opinion. This is what every hairstylist I have ever been to has said. You can practically time it from the moment I sit in the chair. "Hi, how are you? What would you like done today? Oh my god." (Here it comes... 3, 2, 1...) "You have, like, enough hair for 4 people. "

Yes, I know. I also know that you will have to neglect your other clients while you tend to my hair for several hours. I know that you will have to mix three bowls of color to dye my one head of hair. I know that it will take you 30 minutes to blow my hair out straight. I know these things. That is why I will allow you to charge me $267.

But anyway, I love my hair. It's about 4 inches shorter now, just to my shoulders. It has lovely, feisty layers and coppery highlights and it's just COOL.

You're done with hearing about my hair, aren't you? Fine.

After I got my haircut, I went shopping and continued my ongoing search for the perfect pair of jeans. This is like the search for the Holy Grail, only more fruitless.

(People more witty and talented than I have written about the torture that is jean shopping, but bear with me.)

First of all, the jeans have to fit me. This is next to impossible, because I am 5'2'' and apparently, all jeans were made for people at least 5'5''. The average pair of jeans are about 4 inches too long. So there's that.

Then there's the fact that I have a rather small ass. (I'm not bragging. I think it looks odd in proportion to the rest of my body. I have skinny legs and a flat ass, a short midriff, a flabby gut and large tits. Not exactly anything to brag about.) Most jeans I try on accentuate my small ass and give me the perpetual plumber look - saggy and hanging off and showing crack when I bend over.

If I am fortunate enough to find a pair of jeans that are the right length and that do not make my ass look like a spatula, chances are they have that faded, dirty look that is all the rage with the kids nowadays.

i am SO not into that. I like my clothing to appear clean, generally. I do not want jeans with faux bleach stains or dirt streaked down the front of them. No thank you.

Nor do I wish to wear mega bell-bottoms. A moderate flare is OK, but I don't want to appear that I am about to take flight from the flapping of material at my ankles.

Finally, the jeans cannot be "super low-rise." Can we please be done with "super low-rise"? I don't want to see your belly anymore, and I know you don't want to see mine. Please cover up. Your belly ring is TIRED. TIRED. You ain't Britney. Put your belly AWAY.

Believe it or not, I found the perfect pair of jeans at New York and Co. They are a uniform dark blue. They sit just below the natural waist. They have the right amount of flare. They were only $40. Perfect.

It's amazing what a good haircut and pair of jeans can do for a girl. I'm like, unstoppable right now.