Boogie Woogie

Yesterday I had a long conversation with a co-worker who had a booger flake dangling precariously on the edge of her nostril. My god, it was hard not to stare at it!

I had this whole debate in my mind as to whether I should tell her about it. I mean, there are some people I could tell about a booger flake, but she isn't one of them, you know? I wouldn't want her to be embarrassed.

Digression:
This sort of reminded me of a girl I used to work with who'd groom me all the time. Every time she passed my desk she'd pick a piece of lint off of my blouse or straighten my collar or something, and while I'm sure my appearance was improved by her efforts, it got to be damn annoying. It was like she was always on the look out for something less than perfect about my appearance so she could fix it. I don't like being scrutinized.

Finally I said something to her.
"Excuse me, but are we a couple of goddamn chimpanzees or what?" (This was the kind of office where cursing was frequent and perfectly acceptable.)
"What? Chimpanzees?"
"Yeah, chimpanzees. They sit around in the jungle and pick grubs out of each other's fur. Don't you ever watch the Discovery channel?"
"No, but I think you're saying we're chimpanzees because I just picked a piece of fluff out of your hair."
"Exactly."
"All right. I guess I won't pick shit out of your hair anymore."
"Thank you."
(Luckily she had an excellent sense of humor. We're friends to this day, in fact.)
End digression.

We happened to be discussing some very juicy office gossip, and I was quite enthralled by the information she was imparting. However, I could not tear my eyes away from the flake. It kept flapping back and forth as she inhaled and exhaled, threatening to come loose.

There is only one thing worse than talking to someone with a booger flake, and that is talking to someone whose booger flake is suddenly missing. At one point during our conversation I was forced to look away from the flake to answer the phone, and when I looked back, the flake was gone. Where had it gone? Had it been wiped free? Blown onto my desk? Possibly into my glass of water? The possibilities were horrifying.

To my relief, the flake reappeared a moment later - it must have been momentarily sucked in - and my co-worker went back to her cube, where the flake was once again only her problem and not mine.

And that is the end of the booger flake entry.