This entry may frighten you.

Toward the end of my time working for BTA, there was an extended stretch of time when I was a very Angry Young Woman. Looking back, I realize that I was primarily angry at myself because I felt trapped working there and knew it was my fault. Anyway, the anger I felt began to manifest in a very creepy way.

As you know, part of my job was to interview potential job candidates. I did this about 10 or 12 times per day, and I would often zone out during the candidates' mind-numbingly boring, predictable answers and start thinking of, oh I don't know, ANYTHING ELSE.

One day, when I was interviewing someone, I was zoning out as usual when suddenly the candidate said something to jolt me out of my reverie (I don't remember what it was. I'm sure it was something completely normal and inoffensive like "What kind of health benefits does this company offer?" or "Can I mail my timecard in?"). When I looked at her to answer her, I was struck by the most clear, intense mental image ever. It was so bizarre and grotesque that I nearly gasped.

What was it? you ask. I'll tell you. It was an image of the candidate's head being bashed in by a sledgehammer.

I know. But the really fucked up part? Was that I found it extremely amusing. I actually had to stifle back some laughter.

I composed myself and finished the interview, but the damage was done. For the next several months, I could not conduct an interview without the sledgehammer image popping up. It was really freaky. I told D that it was getting so that everytime I met anyone, even outside of work, I would picture a sledgehammer bashing in their skulls. It was out of control!

"You know what?" he said. "You need to quit your job, like, NOW. You're going to become a serial killer or something."

It stopped eventually, thank god.

Are you scared of me now?