Sometimes what I do is, I turn everything in my life into a huge decision, a decision so huge that I'm paralyzed by it into inaction. Every moment is a crossroads. Every doubt is a gaping chasm over which I must leap.

My present dilemma involves moving. More specifically, moving in with D.

For me this would be huge. I'd be leaving Orange County, my friends, my family. Granted, it's only an hour away, but an hour seems like a lot right now.

This has come to a head because of my job. It's a job that can be performed quite easily from home, if the Company were given enough reason to let someone try it.

I'm tiring of the corporate world, but I am not tiring of the corporate money. This seems to be a perfect solution, doesn't it? Move away and work from home. Escape corporate bullshit, but still collect a paycheck.

I could convince the Company this way: "I'm moving, and I don't want to quit. So I could work from home. You wouldn't have to rehire or retrain. I would still be your highest producer. Everyone is happy."

But I'm afraid. The what-ifs have crept in. The what-ifs are paralyzing me.

What if the Company doesn't accept the proposal?

What if I have to find a new job in L.A. in this bad job market? (And I still like my job, so that would be a shame.)

What if the Company accepts, but I hate working from home?

What if I'm lonely?

What if D and I don't work out?

What if I'm making this decision for the wrong reasons?

What if, what if, what if.

Part of me says, Go, leap, try, see. You're only afraid because you don't like answers, and you'll be finding out a lot about yourself if you do this. You'll find out a lot about you and D, too. Maybe you're a fraid of what you might find. But you have to find out.

Another part of me says, If you're feeling this much doubt, it can't be right.

And still another part of me says, You're always afraid of everything. You always doubt yourself, you never like committing to anything, ever, even if it's right. You always put up a wall of doubt, fear and suspicion between you and every big change. Be more hopeful. Fear less. Hope more. Go, leap, try, see.

Sigh.