Out with it, already.

We went over to Amerigo's Sunday night, and he wanted to know why D and I didn't react more strongly to his coming out. He said that whenever he comes out, he loves to see what reaction people have, and that D and I disappointed him because, well, we really didn't have one.

"Well," I said, "We've known that you were gay, since, like forever. Secondly, the way you came out didn't really warrant a strong reaction. It's not like you made a big announcement or anything."

(What he had said was "See that guy over there? He's my ex." I guess that was supposed to shock the hell out of us or something, but we'd already suspected as much, so it didn't.)

Over the rest of the night, we discussed everything having to do with being gay. Amerigo is extremely proud of being gay and he loves being part of the gay community. He's very active in the community and has an extremely busy love life. He showed us picture after picture of the gay events he's been to, and of all of his exes. It was like this huge purging.

Which made me wonder why he hadn't shared this part of his life with us before. We've been friends for years! I mean, it must have been difficult to keep this huge part of his life from us, you know? I felt sort of sad that he hadn't felt comfortable enough. We found out over the course of the night that he'd come out to nearly every other close friend of ours. I mean, for chrissakes, he's even out to Allison, who he's only known for a year.

I said, "Did you think we'd judge you or wouldn't love you anymore?" No, he said. He'd kept it from us because we seem so "innocent and sheltered." What the fuck does that mean? Turns out Amerigo had been the judgemental one.

So, anyway, what is the proper reaction to someone's coming out? I don't know. I'm not so tragically hip and lefty that I really have NO reaction whatsoever. It's like, it's a big deal, but it's not, you know? Sexuality is a huge part of who we are, but it's also not. I don't know.

I've been trying to think of a good analogy. I guess when I find out someone's gay, it's sort of like if someone were to say, "Hey, you know what? I've been wearing colored contacts the entire time I've known you. My eyes aren't green. They're brown."

Sigh. No, it's not like that at all. I guess there's no good analogy.

When we left Amerigo's Sunday night, he hugged me and D and said, "Here's to a closer level of friendship." And that was nice.