OK. Last week's writing class sucked for the following reasons:

First off, after working so hard on my short story, I didn't get to share it with the class or get any feedback. This pissed me off immensely. I had to sit and listen to everyone else's sucky-ass stories, and then I didn't get to share mine.

(Actually one woman's story was very, very good. But I'll get to her later.)

I know I sound like a selfish, spoiled brat, but that's really how I felt. You shouldn't ask your students to spend a week preparing something and then, through your own fault because you didn't monitor the time properly, make them wait another two weeks before they can share their work.

Secondly, the teacher is a buffoon. She offers lengthy, shitty critiques of everyone's work, and then allows the rest of the class to also offer lengthy, shitty critiques, so as to waste even more time.

And I'm not kidding about her comments being useless and stupid. Listen to this: she actually told one student that she should use italics more. "You can never use italics too frequently," she said. "Use that keyboard. You can't expect the audience to know where to put the emphasis without you telling them."

I practically choked when she said that. First of all, it was untrue with regard to this particular student's story. It was very clear where emphasis was needed.

"You can never use italics too frequently"? The fuck? Is that not some of the most ridiculous advice you've ever heard? Now this poor student will pepper her future writing with italics, thinking it's a sign of good writing.

"You most certainly can expect the reader to know where to put the emphasis, if the writing is effective in other ways," I wanted to say (but didn't, of course). "Don't beat the reader over the head with things. Give the audience some credit." I mean, I don't consider myself an expert on writing by any means, but anyone knows that basic rule. The teacher might as well have gone on to recommend the frequent use of exclamation marks to indicate strong emotion. Or perhaps the use of emoticon winks to indicate a teasing tone. For Christ's sake. It was ridiculous.

As for the woman who wrote an excellent story, the teacher advised her to change it all around. "I think it would be more effective if the action took place all in her head," she said. "Like a fantasy."

Um, no. It most certainly would not be more effective that way, you crazy fucking loon. When something is good, let it be. If you can't come up with any effective criticism because your student can clearly write circles around you, don't spout teacher-y, writing class gobbledy gook just because you have nothing else to contribute.

Thirdly, the teacher is disorganized and I dislike her overall demeanor. I watched her while people were reading their stories, and she squishes her face up and nods her head slowly and knowingly. It is a highly unattractive look. Then, when the student finishes reading, she allows a long pause before saying, "Hmmmmmm. Innn. Teresting." Every. Fucking. Time.

Lastly, she was really sort of brusque with a clearly-in-over-his-head man who did not know the meaning of "italics" or "ellipses." I mean, really. He's someone who probably could use some mentoring, and her attitude was impatient, bordering on rude.

D advised me to drop the class, but goddamn it, there is no way in hell I'll drop before I get some sort of feedback on my story, because I actually think it's pretty good. Also, I paid $100 bucks for this class, and I'd better get something out of it besides a ranting and raving blog entry. I plan to drop after next week for sure, if only to avoid having to do the collage assignment.

One final note: I just Googled her and found a sample of her writing, and it sucked. Full of exclamation marks, for one thing. Quelle surprise.