I was thinking the other day that I really need a haircut. I mean, bad. My hair is just long, and there's nothing else to it. I've been putting off getting it done because I have an irrational fear of going to the hairdresser. I'm afraid I won't be able to properly explain what I want done, and then I'll end up with a mullet, "the Rachel", feathered bangs or some craziness.

Remember that book The Rules? That book is straight up bullshit from page one (and that's all I'm going to say about it, because trashing The Rules is so 1996) but there is one line in that book that rang true for me. It's that part where they talk about appearance, and hairstyles in particular. It goes something like this:

"Girls, don't ever cut your hair short. Men don't like short hair. Don't cut it short even if your hairdresser says it'll look cute. Of course they'll tell you that! it's their job to cut hair, and they like doing it. Don't let them!"

Now, I don't know about men hating short hair (although I can't think of a single man on this planet who would throw Halle Berry out of bed), but that stuff about hairdressers loving to cut your long hair off? Word.

Awhile ago I had this asshole Stephen for a hairdresser. I came to him for the first time with long, luxurious hair, and he took one look and said I had "too much hair" for my style of face. He then proceeded to transform me into a puffy, Dorothy Hamill, page-boy-having nightmare.

And that fool even convinced me it looked good,because I kept going back for almost two years.

One day my mom (also Stephen's client/victim) goes, "You know what? I don't really like the way Stephen cuts my hair." It was like the lights came on and someone splashed icy water in my face and slapped me all at once. I looked in the mirror and was like Whoa, my hair is UGLY. I never went back. By the way, if you knew me circa 2000-2001, I do apologize. I am so sorry you had to stare at my hideousness.

Anyway, I saw that jackass in line for a movie a year later, when my hair was all grown out to its original loveliness, and he hid behind his ugly girlfriend and acted like he didn't see me. Smartest thing he ever did.