Well. I think they're funny.

I'm not very good at telling jokes, but I like telling them anyway. There are two jokes I always tell whenever the joke-telling opportunity arises. One is corny and meant to be told in polite company or when there are kids around. The other isn't horribly off-color but contains a few swears. Here they are for your amusement (or not). And don't groan!

Joke 1

Two guys are sitting in a bar drinking. The first guy says to the second guy, "The beer I'm drinking is magic. When I drink it, I can jump right out this window and fly around the building."

"Yeah, magic beer, riiiight," says the other guy. Let's see ya do it then."


So the guy takes a swig of beer, jumps out the window and sure enough, flies around the building and comes back.

"Wow! That beer must really be magic!" says the other guy. "Bartender, give me some of that!"

So the bartender gives him a glass of beer, he takes a big swig, jumps out the window, and falls flat on his face.

"Man, Superman," says the bartender to the first guy. "You are one mean drunk."

End joke.

Joke 2 (This one's a little longer, so be patient.)

A nun is fishing by a stream when another nun strolls up behind her and says, "Sister, that's a very nice fish you've caught there."

"I know," says the first nun. "It's a pretty nice goddamn fish, isn't it?"

"Sister!" says the other nun. "How dare you take the Lord's name in vain! You know it's a sin!"

"No, no, no! That's the name of the fish! The name of the fish is actually 'Goddamn Fish.'"

"Ohhhhhh, OK. In that case, let's take that Goddamn Fish back to the convent and I'll clean it for supper."

Back at the convent, the nun is in the kitchen cleaning the fish when the Mother Superior walks in and says, "Sister, that's quite a lovely fish you're cleaning."

"Yep, isn't it a nice Goddamn Fish?"

"Sister!" says the Mother Superior, "You KNOW you should NEVER use the Lord's name in vain! It's A SIN!!"

"No, Mother Superior! That's the name of the fish. The actual name is 'Goddamn Fish.'"

"Ohhhhh. I see. Well then give me that Goddamn Fish and I'll cook it up."

That night, a new nun is spending her first night in the convent. As everyone is sitting around the table eating dinner, she says, "My goodness, what a lovely meal this is! Who prepared it?"

The first nun says, "I caught the Goddamn Fish."
The second nun says, "I cleaned the Goddamn Fish."
The Mother Superior says, "I cooked the Goddamn Fish."

And the new nun says, "I think I'm gonna like this fucking place!"