A little gloom in June.

Yesterday sucked. June gloom has arrived in the SFV (San Fernando Valley, for those of you playing along), and it stayed almost all day yesterday. I hate cloudy days.

It's hard for me to get out of bed when the sun isn't shining, and it's even harder to drag my ass to the track. So I didn't. I skipped my run and slept in, and then I felt miserable, fat, depressed and lazy the rest of the day.

To make things worse, I started thinking big scary thoughts about my life and its direction or lack thereof. I began to worry obsessively about all of the things I can't fix and all of the things I can fix but am not fixing.

I started to worry about Father's Day and how I haven't bought a gift for my dad yet. This led to thoughts about my relationship with my dad and how I wish it was better. Which of course led to thoughts about my childhood and my parents' marriage, and how it sucked. Which led to thinking about how I am soon to be married and how I desperately don't want to fuck it up. I thought about the possibility of getting divorced and dying alone.

So yeah. It got out of control and fucking ridiculous. I really didn't snap out of it until this morning.

Today you will not worry about things you cannot change, I told myself. You will not think about shit that does not matter, and none of it matters. "Don't Sweat the Shit that Does Not Matter, and None of It Matters," was the book I could write today.

So I faced the June gloom head on and got up early and went to the track. I ran my ass off. I ran an angry run, pounding around the track at breakneck speed. I sweated all of that depression out of my pores.

I felt better when I was done.