I'm about to get off work and then I'm going to go try to find a dress for this wedding next weekend. Feel lucky that I'm not asking you to go with me, because shopping with me for a thing like this is just torture. Ask my mother. I called her about 10 minutes ago to ask if she wanted to come with me.

Me: Mom, I need you to go shopping with me.

Mom: What? When?

Me: Right now. (Moms are supposed to be available at a moment's notice for these things.)

Mom: What are you shopping for?

Me: I need a dress for a wedding.

Mom: I can't. I'm on my way to buy a vacuum cleaner.

Me: Can't that wait?

Mom: No. I really need a vacuum cleaner.

Me: You don't love me anymore.

Mom: I really, really need a vacuum cleaner. Plus, I have to go to the bank.

Me: Fine. I guess I'll just go by myself. Late at night, by myself. It's your fault if I get mugged or kidnapped.

Mom: Have fun.

See? My own mother doesn't want to shop with me, and I don't blame her. I'm a pain in the ass when it comes to shopping for clothes. I never know what I want, and even if I do it takes me forever to decide on something because I think I look terrible in everything. I usually have to take two or three shopping trips before I find something suitable. Many times I'll decide to buy the very first dress I tried on. Yeah, I'm that irritating. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck.