I used to hate the holidays. "I'm officially boycotting Christmas," was my favorite thing to say.

I think it mostly had to do with being single and being broke.

The last couple of years I worked at BTA, I was always broke around the holidays. No one wanted to hire temps around Christmastime, which meant no commission for me.

We'd get desperate and start calling our tried and true clients, begging for handouts. "Would you like some temps?" I'd ask. "Perhaps someone to file for you, maybe someone to answer your phone while your receptionist is on vacation?"

"Hell no,*" they'd say. "We're going to put off any hiring until January."

"Please?** I'd beg. "Pretty please?** I have Christmas shopping to do.** With what they pay me here, I can't get by on just my base salary.** That's next to nothing, sir!** For the love of all that is decent and good in the world,** how about someone to address your business Christmas cards? How about someone to photocopy invoices?"

"I can't believe you're telemarketing around Christmastime.* That's just ridiculous.* Jesus, you must be desperate.* I'm sorry, but we really don't need anyone right now. Maybe after the holidays."

So I had to buy Christmas gifts on my base salary alone, which was pretty pathetic. I won't tell you exactly how pathetic, because just thinking about it pisses me off all over again and I don't need that. Suffice it to say I was Broke around the holidays. I'd buy whatever I wanted anyway and cross my fingers that overdraft protection would pick up the slack. That was stressful. Very stressful.

As for being single, the first couple of years I was pretty OK with it. But you know what? It's no fun to go to the office Christmas party alone two years in a row. It's no fun to go to every family gathering by yourself.

You tell yourself that you're a strong, independent woman. You don't need a man to be happy! At least you have your freedom, you say. And that's one less Christmas present you have to buy!

The truth is, for me, it was no fun at all. I suppose it wouldn't have been so bad if I'd had a few single friends with whom to commiserate, but everyone I knew was married, dating someone, or living in another state or country. It was a very lonely time.

The last couple of years have been different. I have money, for one thing. Christmas shopping is so much fun now, without worrying about every penny. I'm not rich, but I'm not Broke, and that's good enough for me. Christmas presents for everyone!

And of course, now I have someone special to buy presents for. I have someone special to drag to office parties and family gatherings.

"We'd love to come. We'll be there!" is so much nicer to say than, "I'll see if I can make it," or "Sure, I'll stop by for a while."

It just is.


*What the client was thinking but didn't say.
**What I was thinking but didn't say.