Things you must know, right NOW:

1. I am at work and not working.
2. My lips are still chapped.
3. "(I Love You) Porgy" as sung by Billie Holiday will make you weep. Weep, I tell you!
4. I have another cold.
5. Consuming excessive amounts of vitamin C will not stave off a cold, it will only make your pee orange.
6. If you work retail and have a cold but insist on coming to work anyway, don't lick your index finger in order to get a firmer grip on the cash and receipts you're handing out. There's a goddamn flu epidemic going on, or haven't you heard? I'm talking to you, Lady Who Works at Sav-On Near My House.
7. There NEVER was a woman like Gilda!
8. I think it's now safe to assume that Billie Jean was not his lover. Nor was the kid his son.
9. George W. Bush scares me when he gives press conferences.
10. I slept at my mom's house last night for the first time in three years. It was weird.