Let it all out, whatever you're feeling.

(Two Thinkers, Philadelphia 2004)

Last week's writing class began with Tai Chi. I have nothing against Tai Chi, but I do have something against teachers who insist on spending a good 20 minutes of a 90-minute WRITING class forcing her students to partake in it.

"I want everyone to put their hands over their lower abdomens and think about creativity. This is your creativity chi area. We all write from this area, even if we don't know it."

Um, OK.

"Now I want everyone to twist back and forth from the waist, one hand over your abdomen and the other over your lower back. Exhale deeply. I want to hear it! Like this: Uggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhhhh... Like you're groaning."

I participated heartily in the groaning.

"Now I want you to blow your lips out like a horse. Pbbbbllhlhhhhh! Pbblllhhhhh!"

I looked around the class and saw that everyone was taking these exercises very seriously, which gave me the unbearable desire to giggle. The guy who drives a bakery truck for a living (the same one who didn't know what ellipses or italics are) blubbered his lips out enthusiastically, his face turning very red. Lordy. I thought I would die from the hilarity of it.

I finally lost it and laughed out loud when she asked us to jump up and down and shout "Oooooooh-aaaaaaahhhhh! Oooooh-aaaaaahhh!"

"Good. Very good," she said in response to my giggling. "Let it all out, whatever you're feeling! Everybody!"

...

So then I read my story for everyone. It got a very enthusiastic response. The class laughed at all the right moments, and there was a huge gasp at the reveal. It was very satisfying. The teacher didn't have any substantial tips for me. She said she really enjoyed the story and thought I could use the muzak device even more, as it was an effective way of demonstrating the main character's obsession. The stand-up comedian lady in the class (an excellent writer, by the way - I loved her stuff) said she thought that the main character could be a little darker, to make the reveal even more dramatic. The comments from the rest of the class weren't critical - just complimentary - but I appreciated them.

Overall, I'm glad I took the class. It was good to have some structure and deadlines, and it was nice to receive feedback on my writing. But.

There is no way in hell that I'll return for the last two classes, and the next time I decide to take a writing class, I'll be sure to research the teacher before registering. Alas, I found out too late that this particular teacher specializes in teaching public speaking. I guess that explains the warm-up exercises. It also explains the next few weeks' homework assignments, which, as I mentioned before, include monologues and sharing collages with the class.

So. That is that.

Oh, and remember how the teacher advised someone to use more italics? That student's piece last week was positively riddled with italics. She also included several underlined phrases, for good measure. Hee.