The mean reds.

(Statue in Paris Cemetary, 2005)

I was in a foul mood all week, thinking mean thoughts about everyone and everything.

The worst thing is, while I was doing it, I was well-aware of how horrible I was being, and instead of trying to stop, I reveled in it. At dinner with my mom and brother Wednesday night, I told a couple of mean-spirited stories about people, but that wasn't enough to satisfy me; I had to steer the conversation toward a topic I knew would lead to the personality bashing of someone we all know. I did this all the while knowing that if karmic retribution exists, tiny evil acts like taking delight in the misfortune of others and spreading cruel opinions count too. If positive energy and negative energy exist, I knew I was contributing to the negative. And yet, I couldn't and didn't want to stop.

My mean streak is over now, and I'm feeling very peaceful and happy. It's like I purged a demon or something.

***

We saw Sarah Silverman and Drew Carey at the Improv a couple of weeks ago. Dude, something was definitely up with Ms. Silverman. I'd heard a rumor from a friend a few months ago that she and Jimmy Kimmel are "the biggest cokeheads ever" and I hadn't believed it. In fact, I'd forgotten about it until I saw her. I'm not saying she was coked up, but she was definitely doing that thing that we've all done when drunk and trying to act sober: concentrating. on. every. word. verrrry. carefully. and focusing. verrrry. hard. So maybe she wasn't high, just drunk. Or tired. I dunno. D noticed it too. "Wow. She's fucked up," he said.

Despite all of that, she was still funny as hell. In general, I'm not sure how I feel about her as a comedian. I sort of dislike the whole shock value bit she does, the whole "isn't it shocking that a girl like me has SUCH a FILTHY mouth?" thing. But the bit she was working on that night was funny.

After the show, she hung out in front of the building with some people. She was very cool - posing for pictures and being very friendly.

***

I reread my novel this week, and although I really like the core idea of it, the writing itelf sucks ASS. There are some good bits in it, but they are few and far between. I want to rewrite it completely.